Thursday 22 January 2015

"Diarize" - Wherein LL Rants

Henceforth these rants will be written a la Denning MR.  Good luck.

Source: Daily Mail Online


Many students go to University to learn. They find it very satisfying when they are able to go to lectures that are so kindly presented to them by their tutors.  Indeed, some rather eminent individuals may be invited to impart their wisdom to these students. How fortunate indeed we are that such opportunities are offered for them!  I refer my nobel friends to my obiter in "So You've Made it to Lectures."

Our post-Norman tongue, English, is one most incredible to use.  The simple form of a noun can be taken into consideration and transformed through the impossibly complex yet somehow easy manipulation, to become a verb.  For those desiring brevity of speech this is truly remarkable.  Instead of one considering the entirety of a sentence, its context, and the appropriate syntax, one may now simply highlight the important noun and make it the 'doing' of the statement.  One can, for example "Google" this or that such thing (although Google Inc despise this and send out very cross letters to point out it is a proper noun, not verb - to preserve their trademark).  The Common Man may "Tweet" now - identifying the message sent over the radiowaves to Twitter as a "Tweet" then making use of our glorious language to say:

 "Ah! My good fellow! What a spiffing turn of phrase! I do believe I shall type that into Twitter and press send. Yes, that's the right thing to do.  Good day!"


Source: BNPS.co.uk

Could one say, then, that "bed" is also a verb? "I'm going bed" being an example.  No.  In my esteemed opinion, this is simply a northerner with no teeth trying to communicate: "I'm going t'bed" reduced to "I'm going bed" because the "t" can no longer be sounded due to some previous mishap with a ferret.  Presumably down a pit.  In that town which features in the Hovis advert.


The Corporate Environment


Here we see our stock "Corporate Team."  As we note, they are all incredibly attractive - one could even conceive they are models hired specifically for such a picture to be taken? Not so! What deception.  Rather, these are colleagues caught unexpectedly as they stand looking serious yet inclusive; smart but not too smart; casual yet formal.  

Who better, then, to help shape common tongue in business and legal environments? 


The Linguistic Case in Point

Here, language changes begins in our corporate realms.  These high echelons of dictatorial nature shape our economy and even politics.  Such hasty conversations now necessitated.  The flexibility of the English language is in no doubt irreplaceable as such.

Herein lies the true issue.  Diarise.  Or, more precisely Diarize.  


Created Online Using http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk


To search for the Ordinary definition: 

(v) "Note an appointment in a diary"  In archaic use in the early 20th century, but most prolific in use commencing 2010.

A more accurate definition of the word, if I may be so bold: 

(n) "I'm a self important, completely self-absorbed, slightly Americanised, earwax crusted toilet-bunny with limited language skills.  Here, just hold my Blackberry, I urgent Patricia."  For example:

Corporate idiot 1:  "Hey! Edward! I haven't had time to diarize that yet, can you blackberry me the schedule, hashtag urgent?"

Corporate idiot 2: "Sure thing, pal. I'll touch base with you later, meantime let's, like, drill down next week's proposal."

Passer by: "Shut up, you utter nobhead."

It is the delight of many to make imprints of themselves and to fit in.  Should we not allow this? All things considered, if this is forbidden, such small minded simple beings may turn to other vices.  One cannot, therefore, with just cause, command another man to cease use of such idiotic wordage - under the presumption that without these a la mode phrases, he may become more verbose and make an ass of himself.


STOP DOING IT. 
USE COMPLETE SENTENCES.  
SPEAK ENGLISH PROPER LIKE.

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